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But behind this overused term are countless people who live with a control freak every day.In my work as a relationships counsellor, one of the most common problems I encounter is when women admit that they are living in the shadow of a controlling man.How do you know if you are involved with a control freak? A healthy relationship contributes to our self-esteem and emotional energy.However, a relationship that keeps you away from people is not healthy.Often the presenting issue isn’t about control at all, but anxiety, depression and low self-esteem.It may be only when client-therapist trust has been established that the telltale signs begin to emerge: ‘he doesn’t like me going out with my friends’; ‘he puts me down until he gets what he wants’; ‘he gets very angry if I disagree with him’; ‘he’s always accusing me of having an affair’; ‘he won’t allow me to see my family’.
It is a term used almost flippantly, as if it is a character trait that needs to be tolerated but is essentially harmless.They put others down to make them feel better about themselves, giving them a sense of control knowing they can influence the way you feel.If this sounds like him, we suggest you take a swift exit. Controllers have opinions for everything and anything.It can be lies, manipulation, guilt or they may play on insecurities. That is the thing you never know with a master controller--they will lean on whatever tactic to play you.These all play a role in a relationship where one person is dominating the other through control.